Quite often I come across posts, and screenshots of quotes advising other people to ‘Choose people who choose you’. Don’t give energy, time or love to anyone who doesn’t give that to you in return or first.
It made sense to me at one stage. Why should you help someone who has betrayed your trust? Why should you show love to an ex after they’ve hurt you? Why should you help someone who hasn’t helped you? Why should you wait on someone who’s constantly let you down before?
People are always expecting something in return.
I’ve always been a generous person, but once upon a time I used to think that same way, the “scratch my back I’ll scratch yours” mentality. I’d never ask anyone to repay me or call them out, mostly because I don’t like nagging and I’m whakama lol. But when I would go out of my way for someone, I used to expect the same effort returned when I needed it – and when it wasn’t (especially from people I cared for the most), it had me feeling really bummed out and tired. But I’d keep giving myself, thinking that one of these days they will click. They usually didn’t.
My family are generous people, especially my parents; they always help and love people who aren’t helpful or loving towards them. They’ve never cared about having that love and kindness reciprocated, and they had always reminded me to be kind to everyone. My parents explained that, as long as they know that they have done what they can for their neighbour, that’s all that matters. But I couldn’t get my head around this lesson. I still felt used, I still felt like it wasn’t fair.
“If those who owe us nothing gave us nothing, how poor would we be” Antonio Porchia
It took me years to realise that I was being selfish, by expecting people to treat me how I treated them I was no better than they were! So I stopped expecting people to be as kind as I was and stopped expecting people to show love back. Learning this and practicing it has changed my mental in the best way.
Now I know better. I know that if we only give ourselves to those who give back, then our hearts are no more righteous than those who never give love. When you give help to those who only help you, you’re only really helping yourself. Choose the assholes and those who have let you down before, these people probably need more love with their sour ass. We shouldn’t let someone else’s lack of love, dictate how we love next or if we love next. We do not need to be loved to love. So choose one another and love, without draining one another for paybacks.
Choosing the people who choose you, has become a common attitude. The thoughts and posts are still being retweeted and liked. But just think, how good it could be if we all stopped being selfish, and we all just helped those who didn’t help us. If we showed love to everyone and anyone, without expecting something in return.
How peaceful could our world be?!