Break-Ups: What will be, will be.

A friend of mine came to me for post-break up advice. I’m no expert in failed relationships, but I’ll admit there have been a few lol. He vented, his girlfriend of 5+years dumped him and has moved on to someone new. He said he’s heart broken, and doesn’t know what to do. I thought Looooord I have been there, I think most people have. He also asked me “How did you get over love so easily… When is the right time to let go?”

Now I have been that hopeless dumpee before – skipped meals, slept all day, and cried listening to Toni Braxton’s Unbreak my Heart in my bedroom with the curtains drawn. I’ve even prayed to God to bring an ex back to me. Looking back now I laugh about it, and if I could go back I would probably slap myself.

But I believe everything happens for a reason and that a greater pattern exists for how we live. And understanding that has helped me bounce back a lot quicker. I get that sometimes our path crosses with another for a moment, sometimes the paths run together for a while then part, and sometimes paths meet and end together. All of this isn’t up to any of us. These paths have been set before us. Regardless of where your path ends with someone they were brought to you for a reason. Whether it’s to feel love and give love, or to feel pain to gain strength or appreciate.

Love isn’t a thing to get over or forget. It’s always within you. You always have the choice to move with love.

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A common misconception is that when it’s over you have to hate and delete your ex from your life, ignore that they exist and burn their pictures – but that type thinking solves nothing. The whole revenge idea too, like that’s another pointless act, completely unnecessary. Even your ex was a right bastard who cheated on you with a girl he said he was just friends with like mine lol you can still choose to love who they were to you when they were good to you. There are two exs who I will always have love for. I love them as friends, I love them for who they were to me, for the love they had shown me and the lessons they brought. It doesn’t mean I am in love with them or want to be with them because I now know they’re not for me. But if I want peace and love for myself I need to be presenting peace and love to others.

Acknowledge the pain you may feel, but do not stay there. Acknowledge the end of the relationship and the good you had then move forward in positivity.

Some people turn to prayer and there’s nothing wrong with that. I did, the first place I visited after my once thought “love of my life” dumped me was St Patrick’s Cathedral. But I was praying for the wrong thing; someone to love me back. We cannot change who we love and feel for, and we cannot change who loves and feels for us. So if you choose to turn to faith and prayer, it would probably benefit you more to pray for strength, patience and faith in the plan and that what you receive is what you need.

There is no fixed time for ‘letting go’. Try and recognize what is and isn’t for you. Everyone and their path are different. I think we let go when we have learnt what we needed to learn, and sometimes lessons take longer for others. I personally found it easier to find closure with the reminder that – It is what it is. And learning to love who I am, what makes me me and the beauty in that. It has helped me in the past when I’ve met someone else who treats me well and gives me a glimpse of a relationship I deserve and how well I can be treated. But even in finding someone new, the change you hope for after a break up needs to come from you.

YOU choose what hurts you and YOU have to give yourself the love YOU need.

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